In the good or bad, depending on your perspective, old days, ADHD children who disrupted the class, ran amok, couldn't sit still and didn't listen were beaten to teach them to conform and behave. Those for whom beating did not have the desired effect ended up in reform schools and frequently became drop outs, addicts and/or jail bait.
While the quiet day dreamers completely slipped through the cracks. They happily lived with their thoughts and pretended school didn't exist.
Those who were lucky enough to have loving, supportive families who provided structure and embraced the unique characteristics of their "different" children grew up with a healthy self esteem, learnt basic life skills and became productive members of society.
The day-dreamers who, because they were not disruptive got the following sort of school reports. "Pat is a shy, quiet child, bright and a pleasure to teach. However, her work is messy and her handwriting can improve. She needs to concentrate more". This group was and still is the far more vulnerable one.
These Inattentive ADDers grow up constantly trying to conform, to be good and lack the bravado of their physically hyperactive, boisterous and loudmouthed co-ADDers. They lack the social skills and become doormats because their self esteem is low and their self worth is based on how much others like them.
Children were to be seen and not heard. "Do as I say, not as I do" was a common mantra.
Fast forward a generation or two and the pendulum has swung vigorously the other way. Corporal punishment is forbidden, we have special needs classes and schools and today's generation of children are encouraged to be individuals and express their emotions and feelings freely. Technology has made our lives faster than ever and instant gratification is our common expectation. Children rule the world.
Failure is a no-no and if you can't keep up you are out.
School classes are bigger and teachers are loaded with admin on top of teaching responsibilities. Beating someone is far easier than finding alternative creative disciplinary methods.
Single parent and blended families are the norm and being a stay at home Mom is an option for very few.
It is difficult enough being the parent of a non-ADHD child in today's world. If your child has ADHD it is that much harder. Couple this with the fact that it is highly probable that you as the parent of an ADHD child may well have untreated ADHD yourself.
We dread our children making the same mistakes, being bullied and humiliated as we were so we mollycoddle them and never let them fail. We may have a desperate need to be liked so we become afraid to put boundaries in place. Our children not liking us is the ultimate humiliation.
While our own lives are spinning out of control as we mess up at work and in our relationships our children suffer as well. The teachers tell us to discipline our children, to create structure, to be organised and most of us do try some to the point of becoming obsessive.
Friends and families all have strong opinions and are never afraid to voice them. To medicate or not to medicate, to smack or not to smack, to send to therapy or remedial classes or not .....
Most of the advice is neither helpful nor wanted but it sure is a great self esteem killer, exactly what you as the parent of an ADHD child doesn't need.
ADHD is a family affair.