For the past 5 years Dave and I have lived in a Senior Citizens Home which I mischievously nicknamed The Home for the Bewildered. Our residents are aged between 50 and 93 and are at different stages in their ageing journeys.
Having ADHD and having worked with ADHD families and individuals for years, we understand and recognise the parallels in the bewilderment and other ADHD traits that the Elderly exhibit.
Because Dave and I are both tech savvy, our major contribution is fixing computers and cellphones. Cellphones are essential for all of us but as you get older, more blind, and your hands shake, it is easy to push the wrong buttons.
We have several visits a day from residents clutching their phones looking very bewildered and frustrated.
We have a sign we sometimes put on our security gate which says, “We love to chat, but not right now please” when we are really busy. It is right next to the doorbell but is quite often ignored.
Short term memory loss. We know that they will likely be back again tomorrow with the same problem. Like ADDers, the elderly have great long term memory and they will be sure to tell us the same story they told us yesterday and the day before and …
ADDers and the Elderly struggle. Our strange ways confuse our families, friends but also ourselves. Our competence in some things is offset by our complete incompetence in others.
The elderly often feel they have earned the right to be demanding and speak their minds. ADDers frequently lack social skills, are impulsive and get in your face because they lack the skills to read body language.
One of the most humiliating problems for ADDers is Personal Hygiene. Due to our problems with tactile issues, brushing our teeth, washing our hair and showering regularly are challenging. We are often so distracted that we forget to look in the mirror, check that our shirts are not inside out and that our socks match.
Luckily I have Dave who checks me before I am allowed to leave the house.
The Elderly are often tired, simply can't be bothered and having to try and reach your toenails with your glasses falling off your nose, is just too much effort.
My responsibility is to play Sergeant Major (I was a dragon of a Mom) at the front door, asking Dave if he has - "Wallet, Watch, Phone, Hearing Aids, Walking Stick". Dave, whose ADHD short term memory loss is deteriorating with advanced age. As a typical ADDer and dare I say crotchety oldie he sometimes says "YES" to everything just to keep me quiet.
We use fun and banter to keep each other on track.
A couple of years ago, I created a Whatsapp group, for our Home which I called Bewildered No More. Complaints about Maintenance and Management (we do love to moan) are forbidden. For obvious reasons we also don’t allow Politics and Religion.
Dave posts weather forecasts, loadshedding (thank goodness not for a while) water outages and interesting snippets he finds on the internet.
It is a group for Caring and Sharing and looking after one another. It keeps us connected and hopefully stimulates those old grey cells.
We might not all have ADHD, but hopefully most of us will age disgracefully and live our lives happily as best we can..